


The Long Way Back to Us

by akuchan_47, kinderjedi, weepingnaiad



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Best Friends, Community: jim_and_bones, Epistolary, F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multimedia, ST Ship Wars 2010, They need others before they can be together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-19
Updated: 2010-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 04:30:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akuchan_47/pseuds/akuchan_47, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinderjedi/pseuds/kinderjedi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingnaiad/pseuds/weepingnaiad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Prompt:</b> Jones - <i>"Don't say we aren't right for each other, the way I see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else" -from the Cutting Edge</i></p>
<p><b>Summary:</b> A series of emails telling the story of how Jim and Bones try to live their lives with others after saving the world.  Can they be just friends?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Way Back to Us

**Author's Note:**

> The notes are long, huge really, so they're at the end.

Can't figure out how to embed the video, so the link to it is here: [Long Way Back to Us](https://vimeo.com/11153867) on vimeo. It's fabulous and really encompasses this fic, so definitely check it out! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Subject:** You’re leaving me?

 

Bones,

What’s this bullshit about you staying dirt-side when the Enterprise goes back up?

I thought that after everything that happened on the way back home... that we finally... we were good together, Bones...

You’re supposed to be my CMO; that was the plan anyway. What’s going on?

Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

Jim,

It’s not bullshit. Gram took Joanna out for a walk around campus today, and Jocelyn and I talked. She wants me to come home. I don’t know if it will work – we’ve got a hell of a lot to talk about – but I feel like I have to do this for Joanna, or at least try. I’ve checked into it. The post back home would be ideal, with regular hours and all that.

What happened on the way home was… incredible. I could lie and say it was just the adrenaline or whatever, but we both know it wasn’t. I didn’t think you’d want a relationship, but I’ve already agreed to give this a shot, and I can’t back out. I just can’t do that to my little girl, Jim.

I need you to understand. This isn’t an easy decision.

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

Okay, not bullshit, but it still stinks. I knew the minute that I saw the three of them there waiting for you when we got back that it was going to be trouble for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you're able to be in Joanna's life again, but does that have to include Jocelyn? Can't you have one without the other? She's put you through the wringer for the last three years — probably longer — and now, because you're famous, she's willing to try again? It seems a bit opportunistic to me. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but you and I have never pulled our punches, Bones. I've had a ringside seat to the hell you've gone through because of her, and that's how I see it.

What we shared on the Enterprise was awesome, and no word of a lie, I've never had anything like it. Hindsight, as they say, is 20-20, and I know now I should have said something about how I saw our future together, but I thought we had all the time in the world. Maybe knowing my expectations would have influenced your decision, maybe it wouldn't have, I don't know. Maybe it's better that I didn’t, if we'd landed on earth with the understanding that we were going to try a relationship, I don't know if I would have been able to be selfless enough to step aside and let you do what's right for you. This way, you've already made up your mind, and even I'm not enough of a bastard to expect you to rip your daughter's heart out by telling her _’you know, when Daddy said he was going to move back in with you and Mommy, well he was only joking, he's really going into space.'_

I guess this is my way of saying I wish you all the best, Bones, and I hope for your sake and Joanna's that it works out.

Ever and always your friend,  
Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

I know, Jim. I know how it all looks — you’re not telling me anything I haven’t been thinking about myself. I’m not about to defend her. I’m walking into this with open eyes – it’s not perfect, not anywhere near it. If it weren’t for Joanna, I’m not sure I would have agreed. I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I’m going to try, for her. And I hope Jocelyn is acting for the same reason. Whether she is or not, though, I get my baby girl back. And I get to go home, for what that’s worth. I get to go back with my head held high. I’m in a better place now than I was back then, thanks in large part to you. I don’t know what I would have done, where I’d be now, if we hadn’t met on that shuttle. I don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want to leave you, Jim, you know that, right? I’d have followed you across the universe. I’m not abandoning you, even if we’re not together like you thought we’d be. You’re not getting rid of me, kid. I wish I’d known you wanted to try a relationship, but I don’t know – maybe you’re right. Maybe it would have just made it harder. It hurts more than I expected as it is, knowing exactly what I'll be missing.

Hell, I don’t know if this _is_ the right decision for me. I’ve been trying to put aside my own feelings because it’s not about me; it’s about Jo-Jo. And I do think it’s best for her, having both parents around. I’ve missed so much already. I don’t want to be a stranger to her.

It helps knowing you understand why I have to do this, or at least that you’re trying to.

Always,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

You're killing me with your confessions, Bones, but they give me something to hold on to. It's a cold comfort, but one I'll take. And I hope you know I feel the same about you.

I'm relieved to hear that you're not under some evil spell wielded by Jocelyn and her wicked feminine wiles. I can see how being with your baby girl would be a hell of a lot more appealing than tripping through the cosmos (I won't say with me, because I'm sure that me being there is the only way you could stand it ^_~). I get that, I really do, can't say I like it, but I guess part of growing up is knowing which battles to fight. Our friendship means too much to me to put that at risk and it would hurt me more than I care to admit if I were the person standing between you and Joanna. I've seen the pain the last three years have caused you, and I don't want to perpetuate that.

So… now that I'm being all grown up and mature about this, there's one question hanging in the air that I don't want to ask, but will. When will you be heading off to Georgia? I'd like to see you outside of our professional obligations before you go, but being alone with you is not a good idea. An extramarital affair would not be the best way to start off your renewed life with Jocelyn; we both know that it would happen. And, don't even suggest that I have dinner with you and your family; I couldn't handle that, not yet, anyway.

On that happy note, I'll sign off.

Hope to hear from you soon,  
Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

Sorry, Jim. I don't mean to hurt you, you know that, right? At least, not any more than I have already. And yeah, I do know. It means more to me than I can say.

I appreciate you worrying, both for me and for Joanna. I haven't had anyone looking out for me like that in a long time. Our friendship means the world to me; I'm glad we still have that, at least. And, you know, it works both ways. I'll be worrying about you out there in space. I'm going to have to get in touch with your new CMO and make sure he's well acquainted with the mess that is your medical file. I want you safe, or as safe as you can be out there in the black.

We leave in two weeks. I don't want to go that long without seeing you or talking to you outside work, but I think you're right. It's best that we meet in public, at least. At the risk of inflating that ego of yours, I have to admit the temptation would be too much if we spent time alone in private. I do understand about dinner – don't think I could handle that either, all of us in the same room. Joanna does want to see you again before we leave, though. Maybe you and I could take her to the zoo?

Let me know,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** You’re leaving me?

 

I'll always worry about you. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not a completely self-centered prick, but you know that already, don't you.

As soon as I find out who my CMO is going to be, I'll let you know. I will be involved in the selection process, but ultimately, it will be up to the admiralty to make the final decision. Even if you're gone by the time we get around to choosing your replacement, I'd appreciate your input on the candidates. Somehow, I don't think the brass will have a problem with that.

Two weeks? Wow, that's so soon! Or not soon enough, I'm not sure. Not that I want to get rid of you, I hope you know that, but having you so close is going to test my resolve not to sneak over to see you in the middle of the night. It's a good thing you're staying with them. You are staying with them aren't you? Better not tell me if you aren't, so I have it in my mind you're bunking with the little lady.

Going to the zoo sounds like a plan, what kid doesn't love that? Besides I hear they have the best ice cream in the world there, and an outing wouldn't be an outing if there wasn't ice cream, now would it? And sending Jo-Jo back to Jocelyn on a sugar high will be my gift to her. ~_^ Just let me know when you want to do this and I'll clear my schedule.

Best,  
Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Subject:** Shit I'm sorry

 

Fuck Bones, I'm sorry. Well I'm not, but I am, if you know what I mean. You have to believe me when I tell you that I didn't set out this morning with plans to kiss you, but you looked so fucking adorable with that smudge of ice cream on your nose, it was just begging to be licked off and, with Jo-Jo in the washroom, there was nothing there to stop me. Your lips felt as good as I remember, yeah, because after cleaning your nose, moving down to your mouth to get any wayward ice cream there just seemed like the logical thing to do. Not that you were complaining; if I remember correctly you were doing your damnedest to get the last remnants of the chocolate chip cookie dough that I'd had off my tonsils. It was heaven to have your hands on me again, to feel the press of your body against mine and, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, it's burned into my memories. As much as it sucked when you pulled away, I'm glad that you had the presence of mind to stop before Jo-Jo came out, because I sure as hell didn't. Made the rest of the afternoon kind of awkward though, and for that, I truly am sorry. It just proves that we can't be trusted to be alone for a second.

I hope you're not too pissed with me.

XOXO

  


  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** Shit I'm sorry

 

I'm not pissed, Jim. Not at you, anyway. If anything, you should be pissed at me for getting us into the situation in the first place. As you pointed out, you weren't the only one doing any kissing. You may have taken me by surprise at first, but I was right there with you. Do you know how badly I didn't want to stop? I wanted to drag you around the corner and press you up against the wall, let my hands wander... rub against you like a damn teenager. But I gave my word, Jim. I have to try to do this the right way.

I'm sorry the rest of the day was awkward. I guess I'll see you in meetings tomorrow, yeah? If you'd rather not risk lunch together, I understand. Or we could just go out with everyone. This is hard, but I don't want to just not see you at all unless we're surrounded by admirals. We're adults, we can do this. Right?

Not an asshole, Jim. Not unless I am, too.

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Subject:** Settling in

 

Jim,

It was good to hear from you the other day. Sorry I couldn't talk long. It's been busy here, what with starting at the hospital and getting unpacked. I never realized how much shit I'd accumulated over the past few years, but I suppose it's good in the end. Seems Jocelyn threw out most of my things after we split. I found a few boxes of keepsakes in the attic, but that's it. 

It's nice being here to tuck Joanna in at night and read her bedtime stories. She's something else, Jim. All those questions she asked us that afternoon at the zoo? I thought it was just the excitement of something new, but she's endlessly curious about everything. She'll just start chattering away about one thing or another, sometimes switching gears so fast it's hard to keep up. It gets on Jocelyn's nerves from time to time, but then she says that's because she's had to answer all of them herself for so long. It doesn't bother me one bit - I love listening to Jo-Jo and being able to answer those questions or teach her things. I'll never get tired of that. 

Despite what it may look like from what I've written, things with Jocelyn are okay. Not great, but we're getting along for the most part. Still got a lot to work out, and somehow me being back in this house seems to have set us both on edge, we’re trying to get used to each other again. It's... different than it was before. 

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@academy.starfleet.edu

**Re:** Settling in

 

Hey Bones,

No worries about that, I know you're busy. It's good to hear from you now. I'm glad that things are going great with Jo-Jo. I bet she loves having her old man around all the time, too bad things are still weird with you and Jocelyn. That's to be expected considering your history, yeah? I don't know what to say about that... hope you two find your groove soon?

The repairs on the Enterprise are coming along on schedule, which is to say not fast enough for me, but there's not much I can do about that and, yeah, that's driving me nuts. I want to get back out into the black, especially since the senior crew is now in place, including my new CMO, who, though I'm sure is competent, is not you. No I'm not sulking, because I don't sulk.

Anyway, you'll never guess who's back in town and has looked me up. Well, you might, but it would be a lot of back and forth in comms before you did, so I'll just tell you. Do you remember Carol Marcus? Hot blonde, smart, a student at Berkeley in molecular biology, one of the very few people that I saw more than once. I'm sure you remember. So we've been hanging out quite a bit. I can hardly believe that I have no desire to be with anyone else and I don't feel claustrophobic. Crazy huh?

Well I gotta go, I'm meeting Carol in about ten minutes.

ttys  
Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Subject:** Carol?

 

Carol, huh? I remember her, Jim. You guys hit it off like a house on fire, but wasn’t that kind of the problem back then? You burned hot and wild and then cratered equally fast? I seem to remember some pretty major fights between you two. Just be careful, kid. I’m not there to be your wingman if you flame out again.

As I sit here and think about you and Carol, I’m watching Jo-Jo in the backyard. She’s playing with that damned puppy Clay Treadway gave her. I’m not sure I like him still coming round, but Joce has been easier, more relaxed lately. Like things are returning to how they were before… well, you know. And, speaking of that… yesterday was the fourth anniversary. Still miss him, but I managed the day without getting falling down drunk. Just spent the whole day, me and Joanna, like she knew I needed the company or something.

Jo-Jo’s changed so much from the last photos I sent, I thought you should have a more current one. The attached is from our visit to the county fair two weekends ago. Jo-Jo milked a cow and got to churn butter. We all had a wonderful day, no tension at all. Felt like a real family for a change.

Bones

  


  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Re:** Carol?

 

I know, Bones, I know. I felt that scowl all the way over here on the other side of the country, but it’s different this time. We’re taking it a bit slower… well, slower for _me_ anyway. We’re getting to know each other, actually dating. I took her to Starfleet’s annual Charity Ball and we danced and talked all night long. It was good, Bones, and I even attached a picture I snapped.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you this time, but somehow I think Jo-Jo was better for you than my prescription of us drinking until we pass out. I know we’re not sharing a room anymore, but you’re my best friend and I’ll be damned if I’ll let the distance separate us. If you need anything, anytime, even if it’s just to call and bitch, you do it, Bones, and I’ll drop everything for you.

Loved Jo-Jo’s picture! It was good to hear that you guys are settling in and getting back into the groove of things. Joanna looks happy and I know that’s gotta be the best thing.

Always,  
JTK

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Subject:** Latest News

 

Carol’s even more beautiful than I remember. That’s quite a smile she’s got for you. Just danced and talked all night, eh? Now that doesn’t sound like the Jim I know. Guess that’s a good sign, then. I’m happy for you, kid.

And, to show you that Joce cleans up pretty nice, too, I've attached her picture. This was outside the open-air amphitheater where we went to see “Carmina Burana.” I know ballet and opera aren’t your things, Jim, but this is one that I think even you’d enjoy. Full of passion and fury, very sensual. Right up your alley.

Thanks for the shoulder to lean on. So far we’re doing okay. Just taking it a day at a time and Jo’s happier than a bug in a rug. We watched some freaky movie right before bed last weekend and she had a nightmare. Crawled into bed with us and I woke up with her between us just staring down at me, this goofy smile on her face. She just said that she wanted to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming, that I was really real, really there with her and her mama. Nearly made me tear up. But that’s why I know this was the right thing, the only thing. For Joanna. 

I miss you, kid, miss us, miss so many things. I won’t lie about any of that, but Jo’s worth it.

Take care of yourself for me!  
Bones

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Big news

 

Bones –

I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not about the Enterprise. Not this time. I mean, we’re shipping out in a week, and there are all sorts of things I want to tell you about that, but that’s not why I’m writing today. I’m – wow, I’m sort of all over the place today, but I wanted you to be the first to know.

Carol’s pregnant.

I’m going to be a father! Can you believe it? It hasn’t really sunk in yet, even though it seems like we’ve done nothing but talk about it since she got the news the other day. It’s not planned, obviously, and the timing is pretty horrible since I’m gone so soon and won’t be able to be around for her all the time, but I may be able to take leave to be with her for the birth. She’s going to stay in San Francisco – we agreed that was best. Not that I think history would repeat itself, but, as Carol pointed out, I do tend to attract trouble.

Sorry I’m rambling… it’s just that when I slow down and really think about it, I mean really think hard, I’m fucking terrified. I don’t know anything about being a dad, Bones. I didn’t have my dad around growing up, and God knows Frank wasn’t a good example. For that matter, I’m not all that good a role model myself – Pike called it – I was the only genius-level repeat offender in the Midwest. What if I fuck this up? I can’t, Bones.

I have so many things I want to ask you, I don’t even know where to start. Comm me or reply when you get this. I wish you were here.

Jim

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Big news

 

Holy shit... Jim Kirk a father? Lord help us all.

Sorry I couldn't do this face to face Jim, but Joce is hanging around, in fact she won't leave the room. She's sitting in a chair in my office reading. I think she thinks that just sharing space is going to make us closer. I don't know, maybe not lying about seeing that bastard Clay Treadway would do wonders in that department. Yeah, and don't think I don't see the irony there. But since we've just patched up one argument, it's better that I keep the peace and not do something that I know will set her off again, which talking to you always does. I'm really sorry that this is the best I can do at the moment. And what an ass I am for bitching when you've just shared the most wonderful news.

All joking (and bitching) aside Jim, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Just so you know, I think that little person is going to be incredibly lucky to have you as a father. You'll be a good dad; I have absolutely no doubts about that.

I wouldn't worry about being scared, I think that terror is the natural state of being for new fathers; I know I was scared shitless, and I was almost a doctor when Joanna was born. They're so fragile and dependent on us for everything it's normal to be scared. I'd be more worried if you weren't. But you have time to adjust. That nine months is not just so the baby can grow; it's nature's way of preparing us for what's to come.

I hope you're able to be there when the baby is born. Watching Joanna's birth was the highlight of my life, there have been some close seconds, of which you were a part of more than I care to admit, but when she was placed into my arms moments after coming into the world, I have no words for what a magnificent feeling that was. Move heaven and earth to be there if you can. It's too bad you'll miss being with Carol during the pregnancy, it's an amazing thing watching your partner's body change as your child grows inside her, feeling him or her kick for the first time. On the plus side, though, you'll miss the morning sickness and crazy mood swings. Even though I'm on the other side of the country, you can tell Carol that she can contact me anytime if she has any concerns, or needs me to knock some heads together in her neck of the woods.

I hate to cut this short, but Joce is giving me the fisheye, I must be smiling too much. I'll comm you as soon as I can, Jim.

Congratulations once again, Daddy.

Grinning like an idiot,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** He's here!

 

Bones -

Couldn't get you on your comm, but I wanted you to know as soon as possible. It's a boy! 8 pounds, 3 ounces, 21 inches long. He's so beautiful, Bones, I don't even know where to start. And Carol came through like a champ. 

I know I don't have to explain it to you, but when I held him for the first time it was _amazing_. I’m not sure who he looks like most. I can see some of Carol, and some of me. His eyes are my shade of blue – he looked right up at me, I swear, and I was lost. It's overwhelming, how much I love this little guy already.

We’re sending out announcements, so you’ll get the official word as soon as we can get those taken care of. But before that, I want to let you know we finally decided on a name: David Kirk Marcus. 

I’ve got to run, but I’ll send pictures as soon as I can. Tell Jo-Jo I said hi!

Talk to you soon,  
Jim

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** He's here!

 

Jim,

Congratulations! You don't have to explain how you feel, how you're walking around with your heart outside your chest, barely breathing. I know right now he seems so small and fragile and it can be terrifying, but I have no doubt you'll be a great father. There's nothing Jim Kirk can't do if he sets his mind to it, and this won't be an exception to that. The best advice I can give you? Be there. In the moment. With Carol and with David. And sleep when he sleeps.

David Kirk Marcus. Took me awhile when I first read that, couldn't quite see... Damn, kid. You sure know how to choke a guy up. If my dad was around, he'd be mighty proud that a Kirk, that _your_ son was named for him. These words don't convey how much that means to me, how much _you_ mean to me. Thanks, Jim.

To lighten the mood, and so you'll feel better when the inevitable happens, I have a story for you. It happened three days after Joce's mom went home. She'd been staying with us, helping us get settled, and since I was still in med school, it was a good thing. You would have thought I'd know better, but Joce and I were young and we figured we got this. Of course we had no appreciation for how much her mom was doing. Joce was sleeping and I was so sleep deprived I was loopy, but I thought I could take care of everything: Jo-Jo, laundry, dishes. All that. Jo was a bit fussy and sometimes would only settle when we went for a drive. I couldn't very well do that since I had a test to study for, but I learned that the dryer was sort of like the car. So I was doing dishes and laundry, Jo was sleeping in her carrier on the dryer, and the phone rang. Got two more calls, which I took while sitting on the sofa, half asleep. I dozed off. When Joce woke up she freaked out when I was asleep in the living room and Jo wasn't anywhere to be found, at least not with me or in her crib. And, I was so out of it, I forgot where I had put her. Took a few panicked minutes for us to find her. It's funny now, especially when you consider how tiny our apartment was, how the washer-dryer were just in a cubby in the kitchen behind a screen. We would have heard Jo if she'd cried, but she was sleeping soundly, happily, and no one had snuck in and kidnapped our baby. 

That was a long way of saying, you'll be fine, but accept help and try to sleep. Just enjoy the time you have together. They grow up so fast, Jim. My baby girl, the one that was sleeping so peacefully on the dryer (but wouldn't sleep in her crib), she's almost eleven years old!

I look forward to the pictures and hearing how you are adjusting to fatherhood.

Take care of your family, Jim.

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Re:** He's here!

 

Bones –

I’ve attached the official announcement to this message, but I’m sending you another with just pictures. I may have gotten a little carried away, but he’s so amazing I couldn’t help it. Oh, and Carol asked me to thank you for the flowers – she loves Betazed lilies, so those were a big hit.

I’m laughing so hard at your story (and I’m sharing it with Carol so we can try the dryer thing out if we need to), but now that I’m a dad, too, I can totally understand those moments of panic when you woke up and couldn’t find Jo-Jo. 

I’ve been trying to take your advice and sleep when David does, but it’s hard! I have to report back to Enterprise in just a few weeks, so I find myself standing over his crib watching him sleep, or picking him up and sitting in the rocking chair with him. Carol’s found me there more than once, asleep with David in my arms. I just want to soak up every second I can while I’m here. I gave him a bath all by myself the other day, which was an adventure. He was so wriggly and slippery I was terrified I’d drop him, and in the end I think I ended up wearing most of the bathwater, but the two of us managed just fine.

I didn’t mean to get you all choked up, Bones, but I’m glad you think your dad would be pleased. It just felt right, naming David for him. We’d talked about naming him for my dad, but I didn’t want to saddle him with all that goes along with that. And besides, he’s named for the father of the finest man I know. I wish you could be here to see him.

On that cheerful note, I’d better go try to get some sleep (see, I’m trying). Tell Jo-Jo and Jocelyn hello for me.

Take care of yourself,  
Jim

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Subject:** Change of Address

 

Hey Jim,

Thanks for the latest batch of pictures. David gets more gorgeous by the day, he has your eyes, and I think I see your impish grin there, too.

I hope everything is good at your end, things here are not so great. I've decided to leave Joce, in fact I've already moved out of the house. I've found a two-bedroom apartment close to the hospital that will do for the time being. I gave it my best shot, but honestly Jim, my heart was never back here with her. I don't regret coming back to Georgia, though. Being a part of Joanna's life again makes everything worth it. But I should have done what you said when I first told you, and not tried again with Joce. I don't know if she'd have gone for that, though. I think she was star-struck and attracted to the perks my new-found status could bring, and she had the trump card. Luckily that status will keep me from getting royally fucked over this time around. Not to mention that I'm not the man I was back then, I'm somewhat respectable and respected.

I do get to see Joanna, quite often, in fact. Because she's older and isn't afraid to speak her mind, Joce isn't able to keep her from me this time. Though, to be honest, she doesn't seem as hell-bent and determined to, either. Could be that she knows she wouldn't get away with it a second time; the lady is nothing if not shrewd. I hate to have such a low opinion of the woman who gave birth to my only child, but I do; it's sad that our second time around didn't change much in that regard.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Re:** Change of Address

 

Bones! I've attached even more pictures of David, thought you could use the cheering up. He's just so fucking amazing! I sometimes wonder how I had a hand in creating something so damned perfect. I really get it now – how you felt when we first met, how it tore you up when you lost Jo-Jo.

I'm glad you're not going to lose her again. I just... I promised myself I wouldn't be a shit about this, but I can't help it. That bitch didn't deserve you. Damn it, Bones! She was never sincere and even now you're so gentle about it all. I couldn't be that gracious. If you need anything, please ask. Got a friend at the JAG office. She's tough as nails and would have Jocelyn for dinner AND look amazing doing it!

Okay, sorry. That was in bad taste. It’s just that I'm trying to keep this upbeat and not dwell on the irony of it all. You're a free man now and I'm... not. And, no, before you ask, I haven't gone off and done 'some fool thing'. Well, not exactly, but it doesn't matter. Carol turned me down. Said we made David together, we didn't have to get married, too. I don't understand women at times, you know? She just. She said that as long as we're his parents and committed to each other that was all she wanted. Funny thing is, I haven't even been interested in anyone else. Not even on shore leave on Risa. Spent my time at their sports city. It was freakin' awesome, Bones! Rock climbing in Risa's lighter gravity? Totally exhilarating.

And, of course, I couldn't end without talking about David. He's growing so fast! And smart as a whip. Carol's constantly complaining that he's just like me – afraid of nothing. That's not a bad thing, is it? Since our last conversation, he's started walking and talking. Carol was pissed because his first word wasn't 'mama', it was 'ship'. _My_ ship, Bones. Unfortunately for me, 'dada' was waaay down on the list, but by the time he learned to say it, Carol was relieved because at that point David only said 'mama' when he was mad. And I can tell you, he's got a temper on him, that kid of mine. He must have got it from Carol's side.

She said that David started walking too early. Is nine months' really too soon? He's just in a hurry like I was. I remember that feeling, how big the world was and how little time there was to study it all, to touch and climb and experience every thing. He's my kid; there could be no doubt about that.

You know I'm there for you, Bones. I'll do anything in my power to help, just wish I wasn't so far away.

Always,  
JTK

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Change of Address

 

This new batch of pictures are even better than the last, keep them coming. He looks just like you, sounds just like you, too. You can give Carol my sincerest sympathies. She's going to have her hands full.

What is this? Humility from James T. Kirk, who would have thought? Jim, there's no way that your kid could be anything but perfect, everything you touch turns to gold. Fatherhood changes you in ways you could never imagine, knocks your whole world off its axis. Suddenly, hearing a first word, seeing their first step, just being there for them is more important than just about anything, but I'm not telling you anything you haven't discovered for yourself, am I? Being ripped from Joanna's life was a bleak time for me; I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't think I would have come out of it half as well as I did if you hadn't been there, and I'll be forever grateful for the twist of fate that put us in each other's paths.

Don't apologize for ripping on Joce, it warms me more than it should, that you're looking out for me. Truthfully, at this point I'm more relieved than angry. The huge ball o' nerves that'd been living in the pit of my stomach is gone, and I gotta tell ya, it's nice not living under the weight of her disapproval and disappointment anymore, or having to bite my tongue at the snide comments she made about you and me, that were downright vicious near the end. If I were truly more forgiving, I'd admit that it must have been painful for her to learn the depth of our feelings for each other, but I think it was more of a blow to her ego than an ache in her heart and, if she had minded her own business and not snooped through my private correspondence, she could have saved herself a whole lot of grief. Ah well, it's done with, and I'm happier for it. She's Clay Treadway's problem now, and he's welcome to her. That's not just bravado either, in case you were wondering.

Jim, is it wrong that there's a very large part of me that felt a surge of relief to learn that you and Carol aren't going to get married? Should I even tell you so? Not that it matters, by not doing anything more than rock climbing on Risa (which sounds pretty amazing by the way), proves that you're committed to her, marriage or not. Which is good, David deserves to have both his parents together, and happy to be that way. I wouldn't want to come between that. Funny how the tables have turned isn't it? Fate is a cruel bitch.

Take care,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Apologies for the radio silence

 

Bones,

Sorry this has been so delayed. It's been a hellacious few months. We've been out here in an undisclosed area and were not allowed any comms chatter. Hell, Ensign Moreau learned she was pregnant and she couldn't even comm her husband on Starbase VI. Shit like that sucks. I get it now, like never before. I had to keep re-watching old vids of David just to fill the void I have when the little guy's not around. I hope I'm a better captain because of David, because I know what my crew is going through, missing their families, their loved ones. Seriously, I have no idea how you did it back then. And if I had anything to do with helping you get through it, then I'm glad, because you saved my ass on that shuttle, too.

Fuckin' hell, Bones! She read our comms? What the fuck? I'm sorry, that's just... that conniving bitch!

Sorry, Bones. I had to walk away, go to the gym for a while. I feel violated. I'm not sure how to say this, but I share things, you know shit about me that no one else knows. That Jocelyn read those things... I'm just glad that I'm out here and don't have to see her face. There's nothing I can do about it now, so I'm not going to dwell on it, but it'd be hard for me to write to you if you were still living under the same roof with her. I'd be worried that she was reading my private thoughts, the things that no one, not even Carol, knows about me. Damn. I'm glad you're out of there and with your head held high. You definitely deserve better.

I'm not sure what to say about your 'confession'. I _should_ say that it's not wrong, that it's just nostalgia because you're hurting, that you'll find the right one for you. I _should_ say that Carol and I are making a go of it, doing great, despite everything. But, truthfully? I'm not going to lie to you, Bones. I never did before, and I'm sure as hell not going to start now. I re-read your letter more than once because it made me feel warm inside. I mean, I know that we could have been something together — something amazing — and I still think you're the sexiest man in the whole universe, but I've got more than me to think about now. I've got David. I grew up without a father and I can't do that to him, can't hurt him for anything, even though it means that I'll never have you.

Cruel bitch ain't the half of it.

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Apologies for the radio silence

 

Jim,

It's good to hear from you. I was worried; I've never gone this long without any word from you. I had to keep reminding myself that if something bad had actually happened, we would have heard. On some days it was harder than others. You've grown to be a great captain and an even finer, compassionate man. I'm sure your crew loves you, and I hope they can help you get through the worst of what you're feeling. Keeping busy is a good distraction. I had you, and throwing myself into my studies helped too.

No need to apologize, Jim. I was furious myself when I figured out that Jocelyn had read everything we'd ever written to each other – sentimental fool that I am, I've kept every single thing you've sent me over the years – and it was the only time in my life that I had the urge to get physically violent with her. I don't even feel guilty that I'm more connected to you than to her, and maybe I should, she's my wife after all, or she was, but neither she nor I were all that committed to our relationship this time around. My heart was up in space and she'd been carrying on with Treadway all along. I don't know what I'd do if this last thing that we have had been lost to me because of her.

Yeah, together we could have been something; I think that goes without saying. Maybe we should stop saying, we know it, but all we'll ever be is the best damn friends in the world, and that has to be enough. It's time for me to stop thinking about what could have been and focus on what is, because otherwise it hurts too much. Perhaps I should have done that ages ago.

This is getting maudlin, so I'll leave you with one last thought. Jim Kirk, you are the sexiest man in the universe. I am not even in the same damn class.

Hope to hear from you soon,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** carol.marcus@berkeley.edu

**Subject:** Jim

 

Dear Leonard,

I have some better news than the last time I comm'd. The Enterprise made it to Starbase X. Jim's stable in their Medbay, but I don't really know much more. I'm keeping it together, or trying, but it's hard, especially with him so far away and not knowing and being unable to go to him. I know you told me David's separation anxiety is flaring because of my own fears, so I'm trying to take your advice and be calm around him. It's not so easy, especially right now when I'm reminded how this time might be the lucky one, that next time I might never see Jim again. David would be left fatherless, just like Jim was.

I have to stop myself from thinking like that because I know when I do, I get tense and snappish and David picks up on it and then we end up spiralling. David's brilliant, just like Jim, fearless and independent, all smiles for the world. If I try to leave the room, or, worse, leave him with R'Enya, then he changes. My bright-eyed smiling boy turns into a clingy, terrified sobbing mess. And, too often, I give in. I know I shouldn't, but it's almost impossible to resist a determined Kirk, even when he's not yet two years old.

Thanks again for the advice and for listening. I needed a shoulder who would understand. I'm scared. He's going to be okay this time, but what about the next? Or the time after?

You're Jim's best friend, Leonard. Even from light years away, you keep him grounded. And that leads me to something that's hard for me to admit or to ask for... I need your help. Jim won't listen to me on this, but I swear that nothing short of his death will pry him from that chair. And this just proves the point. I've tried to talk to him, to convince him to take a posting at the Academy for a while, just until David's older. He won't hear of it. From me, at least. Do you think you could talk to him? I wouldn't ask, but I am close to the end of my rope. He's out there, being some hero, while I'm here waiting for tidbits of news, never knowing if I'll ever see him again. David should come first. You did it, Leonard. Surely he can?

Sincerely,  
Carol

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** carol.marcus@sfsu.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Jim

 

Carol,

I'm on it. I don't know how much good I can do but I'll give it my best shot. He can be a stubborn ass as you well know, so this needs to be handled delicately. I'll write to you later about David.

Hang in there,  
Leonard

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Subject:** Glad you're okay, but...

 

Jim,

Get your ass back home. If you don't want to lose everything that you say is precious to you, you'll get dirt-side as soon as humanly possible and stay there.

You made it through THIS TIME, but what about the next, or the time after that? Do you really want David to grow up without a father? This may be hitting below the belt, but it's also a truth that you have to face. Sure, tragic accidents can happen anywhere, but you're in more danger in space, and do you really want to die alone out there without your son ever knowing you?

God, Jim, don't make the same mistake that I did when my marriage broke down the first time. There are so many reasons why it did, but my absence due to my work was a major contributing factor.

You have no idea what it was like back here, knowing that your injuries were almost fatal, waiting for word on your condition, knowing that you could have died at any time, and we couldn't be there with you. It sucked, Jim.

Sometimes you can't have it all, something has to give, and you need to compromise. This is one of those times. For your own sake, as well as for the people who love you, at least think about coming home for a few years. Please.

Thinking of you,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Not now

 

Bones,

I haven't said this to you in years, but I'm saying it now. Just stay out of it, okay? Carol and I have some issues to work through and you taking her side isn't helping anything. I don't need you piling on, too. I expected Carol to pull the 'leaving David without a father' guilt trip on me. I didn't expect it from you.

Seriously, between the slow physical recovery, the brass, Carol, and now you, I feel like the universe has decided it's 'Shit on Kirk' year.

There's talk that the Enterprise will be called back to Earth. I'll let you know if it happens.

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Not now

 

Whatever, Jim. You want me to drop it, I'll drop it. You'll do whatever you damn well want to, anyway.

In other news, while you were healing, we were faced with a dilemma about what to do with Joanna. Nothing bad, mind you. Turns out my baby girl is the brightest kid in her grade, and not just in her class, but the whole district. Imagine that. Anyway, the people in charge wanted to bump her up not just one grade, but two. I wasn't keen on that, I know she's brilliant, and quite mature for her age, but there is world difference between kids that are 12 years old and ones that are 14 or 15; I was afraid that she'd be out of her depth. Anyway the subject of Cerberus came up, and how that might be a fit for her. She'd be kept with kids her own age, but who are also on the same level intellectually as she is. Joanna was all over that idea, Joce was supportive, and I was less than thrilled, but relented in the end because I could see that that was what she really wanted. So in a few weeks time, my baby girl is heading off-planet and is thrilled about it — her dad, not so much.

I'm dating again. Nothing serious, but I've put myself out there, and I've been out with a few different women. There've been one or two second dates; no thirds, though.

That's about it for now,  
Bones

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Your news

 

Bones,

I know you haven't heard much more than one-liners from me in awhile. It's been... unpleasant lately and I didn't know how to explain or even where to start. I'm sorry about the whole 'butt out' thing. But I can't be someone else, and that means doing what feels right, even if I fuck it up, just like always. You, David, and command were the only things that I hadn't royally screwed up in my life, but now I've even fucked those things up.

I'm sorry, Bones. I just... Carol and I have tried. Neither of us is willing to give up our careers and now we're at a serious impasse. I couldn’t stay dirt-side, and you know it. I never accomplished a damn thing worthwhile when I wasn't out here. Hell, even David was conceived on a shuttle orbiting Saturn. We haven't made any decisions, but I know it in my gut. Carol and I aren't right for each other. She's a hell of a woman and I love her and respect her, but we don't fit.

I guess I'll find out soon enough. We're being recalled to Earth. Some asshole Ambassador that would have gotten my entire away team killed is pushing for disciplinary action against me. Pike's got enough pull that we're not dropping everything, but I'll be home in eight weeks, and I'm dreading it, and not just for the hearing, either.

I'm not sure what to say about Joanna because I know it's gotta be so painful for you. I remember being the 'lone genius' in a class of older kids. Let's just say it was not one of the highlights of my admittedly shitty childhood and leave it there. I checked out Cerberus. I even spoke to the Headmaster and a few of the staff. It sounds like a phenomenal program and I think Jo-Jo would be happy and thrive there. I hate to see you hurting, but maybe we can commiserate together, once I'm through with the hearings?

I'd like to see you. Hell, that's not even the half of it. I had to bite my tongue when I read that you've been dating. Because that would be all manner of fucked up if you found someone. Just when... I know this isn't fair and I shouldn't even write these words with Carol and I still in the air, but... wait for me?

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Your news

 

Jesus, Jim!

You really know how to take a guy's breath away. I'll start from the bottom up.

Will I wait? You're right it's not fair to ask, but judging by the way my heart is still hammering in my chest five minutes after reading that, we'll just assume that's a yes. Which means that though I'd like to see you when you're back in San Francisco, I don't think I can as long as you and Carol are still together. I refuse to be the _other woman_ , and I know I couldn't do platonic at this point. Call me, though, the second if and when you part ways.

Why does it not surprise me that you took it upon yourself to check out Cerberus? I have no doubt that you made it abundantly clear that Joanna's father was a very close friend of yours and that James T. Kirk, savior of Earth, would take it personally if things did not turn out well for his best friend's little girl.

Your troubles sound like a load of political bull. Between Pike's influence and your charm, not to mention your damnable luck, I'm sure that it'll end in your favor, I hope. I wish I could be there for moral support and as I sit here I find myself second-guessing what I just said above.

I totally deserved to be told to butt out, I was way out of line, and I apologize for everything, especially for throwing your feelings for David in your face. That was unforgivable but I hope you will anyway. For what it's worth, it may have seemed like I was taking Carol's side, but in all honesty I was speaking from a strictly selfish point of view. I was as scared as she was, and used her fears to shield my true feelings on the matter. At that moment in time, I did want you on Earth safe from everything bad that can happen to you out there, but I do know that you'd be miserable here and that would be just as bad for David if not worse.

You haven't fucked up with me Jim, not now, not ever, you're stuck with me.

Always,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** FML

 

Bones,

I know you're probably wondering why the last few comms have been brief and 'all business'. I wasn't mad or upset. In fact, just the opposite. Your support means the world to me, especially now, and you've never done anything that needed to be forgiven. But, I keep my promises, Bones, especially to you. I kept up my side with Carol, too. For all the good it did me.

I should probably start at the beginning. The Enterprise is in Spacedock, getting a major overhaul. There's little that Scotty can't fix, but some systems needed more than even he could do after the last few missions. That, coupled with my hearings, and we've been back at HDQ for two weeks now and I'm climbing the walls. They put me on suspension pending resolution of the case, and we just finished the 'discovery' phase, whatever the hell that means, so I have no idea if I'll get my ship back before she leaves.

Since I had all this free time, I thought it'd be good to spend time with the family, see if Carol and I could come to some resolution. Well, we did all right, or she did anyway. And now I'm fucked. She's taking David, Bones. She's accepted a position at a new Federation Research Station. She doesn't want me in my son's life. Told me that I'm not good for him, that she wants him safe, with her, and not dreaming of exploration, of adventure, of playing 'space cowboy'. The worst part? I'm not sure she's wrong.

So, as of right now, I don't have squat. No ship, no kid, no life. And, I'm terrified that I've screwed up with you, too.

I never intended for you to be the other woman, Bones. I know you're not like that and I'm sorry if I put you in a bad position. Just... you're the only one, Bones. In my whole fucked up life. Just you.

Shit. Sorry. I've had too much to drink and yet I feel all too sober. Clear-headed. It scares me that I'm pretty sure Carol's right and I should just bow out of David's life. He's still so young. He'll never remember or miss me.

I gotta go. There's a half empty bottle of Maker's with my name on it.

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** FML

 

Jim, sorry I missed you earlier, I just got in. I’m trying to call you now, answer will you, damn it.

Ah shit Jim, that's just... I'm speechless... The fuck she's right! You're David's father; of course he'll miss you. Even if David doesn't remember you, which makes me sick to even think about, he's going to suffer for not having his father in his life, even more so because it's you he's missing. Fuck her, goddamned cu... Does she honestly believe that you not being around is going to squash the adventurer in your boy? Fat chance there, he's got your genes.

Fuck, I can't even think straight right now, I'm so angry and heartsick for you. I'll be there as soon as I can get to a transporter station.

Hang tight, Jim, I'm on my way.

Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Thank you.

 

Bones,

I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed right now and having a hard time taking it all in. Still can't quite believe that you just dropped everything and transported across country... for me.

I can't begin to express how much your presence meant. Seriously, no one has ever been there for me like you. And just so you know that I haven't been swapped with some alien, since this sure as hell doesn't sound like me, my only regret? You spent a night in my bed and I was too drunk to find my dick, let alone yours. I do hope you'll give me a chance to rectify that.

I know my situation hasn't really changed and I'm still gutted about David, but at least I know I haven't lost you, too. I think I can at least approach the battles to come with the knowledge that someone like you thinks I'm worth fighting for. And if you think I'm worth it, then I'm going to believe you. I'm not going to roll over and just let them take the _Enterprise_ or David from me, not now.

The hearing re-convenes in a few minutes, so I have to go. Just had to put this in writing so that I'd believe it.

Thanks, Bones.

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Thank you 

 

Don't be an idiot, Jim, of course I'd come to you. I'm only sorry that my recent stubbornness regarding our situation would make you doubt that. I should have been there sooner.

I can't believe I've been away from you for less than a day and I miss you so much. I hated to leave you when you're still so vulnerable, but it can't be helped, real life and all that. Although the sooner I get everything cleared up here, the sooner I can get back to you for good. Though, I should be able to manage a visit for a day or two here and there. And I don't care if I have to take a position as a medic, when the Enterprise goes back up with you at the helm, I will be on that ship. And you will be her captain, of that I have no doubt.

I know we haven't had a chance to talk about it, but I don't think I'm overstepping any lines with the assumption that you want me with you regardless of where that will be.

See you soon, but not soon enough,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Overstepping?

 

Bones,

It's not possible for you to overstep any boundaries with me. I would think I made my feelings pretty clear, how much I needed you, how much I still need you, that I can't do this without you anymore. You showed up here when I thought my world was ending and that seemed to turn the universe on its head, maybe it's destiny or something. We're supposed to be together and, when we're not, things don't go well? Okay, that's some crazy talk right there. I honestly can't help it. Something else pretty amazing happened today and I'm sitting here grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it, so either I'm dreaming or somebody dosed me with Tellurite Tonic Water because this just doesn't seem like my life.

It all started with the weirdest conversation during a recess in the hearings, which my JAG officer tells me is going great. Sure doesn't feel like it. All the shit the prosecution has dragged out about me... pretty humiliating. Obviously, that's not the good stuff. I got a call from Carol's lawyer, then had dinner with Carol. Yeah, you read that right. She called and we went out to dinner, even had a civil conversation. She offered me time with David, nothing like joint custody, but she won't keep me from seeing him, even said that she'd try to work with my schedule for shore leaves so that I can see David as much as possible.

She didn't mention your name, or anything like that, just said that someone had talked to her, convinced her that David needed a father, needed _me_. I seriously doubt there's anyone but you that would have gone to bat for me. You did, didn't you?

Damnit, Bones. You blow me away. Look, I've got to get back into these interminable hearings, but I had to give you the good news and tell you how much it meant to me. I keep repeating myself a lot lately, but it's the truth. You've pulled me back from the brink... again. Don't know what I'd do without you in my life.

Call me when you get off shift. I need to hear your voice.

Thanks again, Bones.

 

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** Overstepping?

 

Jim,

Yeah I didn't think so, but figured I should put it out there. You're right though; life is shit when you're not around.

I may have had a few words with Carol, but I honestly didn't think I made much of an impression on her, except to piss her off. If anything, I was afraid that I'd done more harm than good. I wasn't polite to say the least, but I didn't resort to name-calling. I reminded her that by trying to shield David from your inevitable death (hopefully not until you're a doddering old man), she was robbing him twice of his father, and that was cruel to both of you. Not to mention that at some point David would have questions and what would she do then? Would she lie and say that you just walked away, that you didn't give a good God damn? Would she be willing to tell David that she thought it best that he didn't have a relationship with his father just because you’re the adventurous sort, and maybe just a bit too reckless for comfort. It's not as if you’re abusive to David; she has absolutely no good reason to want to keep you from him. And then I asked her if she hated you so much, that she felt the need to destroy you so badly-- that she would stop at nothing and stoop to such drastic, evil measures to hurt you. I also told her that the good opinion that I did have of her was gone. That I hadn't even felt this much contempt for Jocelyn during the darkest days of our divorce, and if she was going for the _Heartless Bitch of the Year Award_ , then she should be proud, because she was outdoing Jocelyn in spades. Hmm, well maybe I did resort to name-calling. 

So I wouldn't say I went to bat for you, more like I went off on her, but at least it had the desired effect and you're not going to lose David. Granted, I highly doubt that the courts would deny you access based on the fact that you have a risky profession, and really that's all she has to hold against you. Ok, well maybe the fact that you don't look before leaping, that danger seems to live in your back pocket, and then there's your colourful past, but please that's no reason to stop you from seeing your son. Besides from here on out, you're going to be in a monogamous relationship. We're so past same-sex relationship angst as a society, that it doesn’t matter if your partner is another man. She could’ve been a bitch about the visits though, and make them as difficult as possible; at least you won't have to deal with that now. It's much better if the two of you can be civil to each other.

I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, Jim; you're very important to me--one of the two most important people in my life--and I'd do anything to protect you. You're going to have to get used to that.

I'll call you as soon as I get home.

Love,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** It's Official!

 

Bones,

Goddamnit, Bones! I hate that you're not here... that I couldn't even get through on your comm so that I have to tell you this in writing instead of hearing your voice. I know you're working your ass off, trying to get things squared away, but it still sucks.

Anyway, as you heard on the comm, it's over! Finally fucking over! I was acquitted! I'm not going to lose the _Enterprise_!

What's even better? I haven't missed her re-launch. I suspect, but couldn't swear to it, and sure as hell won't try to find out--that Scotty has had something to do with her repairs taking so long. Still have at least four weeks until she's completely space worthy and ready to get back out there. I talked to Prindhar and found out she has no intention of returning to the ship, so it looks like I've got a position open... know any CMOs worthy of the flagship, Bones?

You better call me when you get this, I need to hear your voice!

Always,  
JTK

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org

**Re:** It's Official!

 

Jim!

That's great news, the best! I knew it couldn't turn out any other way, I'm just glad that it's over. I may know of one doctor qualified to be your CMO. We can discuss it in detail later.

Oh and Jim, if you're reading this right now, you might want to open your door.

Love,  
Bones

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** leonard.mccoy@savannah-gen.org  
 **From:** james.t.kirk@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** Four Weeks?

 

Holy hell, Bones. I don't know if I can last four more weeks! I know it shouldn't be hard after nearly three years apart, a few more weeks shouldn't be a big deal, and I might have managed it, except that now my bed smells like you... like us. And, fuck, if it doesn't make me hard every damn time I think about our one night together.

God, Bones! I thought it was mind blowing before, but what you did to me? When you refused to fuck me, insisted you were going to make love to me and then you pushed my chest to the bed and there I was, ass in the air, heart hammering, threatening to burst through my ribs, and hard as nails. I wanted you so bad, wanted you to fuck me into the mattress, but you made me wait, took your time while you prepped me... I thought I was going to die. I can still feel your hands on me, your fingers in me, and your breath on my skin. And, then, you had me out of my mind, begging, but you wouldn't give in, you just covered my body with yours and began to murmur in my ear. Fuck. I think I could come just from hearing _that_ voice. Sinful doesn't begin to describe it.

Thank fuck I'm at home on a secure line! I'm hard and aching just from thinking about you calling me "Darlin'." I knew I was going to come the minute you pushed in. I was so close, but you wouldn't let me. How the hell did you last so long? Cruel, magnificent bastard. Shit. You have me on edge, even now.

I don't think I ever understood before. When I read about someone being claimed? I thought it was just a bunch of romantic drivel, written for teenage girls, but I was wrong. You claimed me, ruined me for anyone else, marked me inside and out, body and soul. I've never passed out from an orgasm before, but when you finally let me come, gave me permission, I swear I saw the creation of the damned universe behind my lids.

And now I have to wait? It's killing me, Bones.

Yours,  
JTK

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **To:** joanna.mccoy@academy.cerberus.edu  
 **From:** leonard.mccoy@enterprise.starfleet.gov

**Subject:** The stars

 

Joanna,

Just had to take a few minutes and send you this photo. It's of the Orion nebula and that's the view out my window. Never thought I'd feel this way about space, but life has a crazy way about it.

I miss you more than I can say, but seeing you and knowing how happy you are really sealed the deal for me.

Can’t wait until Christmas break, and I’m not the only one. David’s excited to finally meet you, too, baby girl! We'll all be together as a family for once. You keep your grades up and keep writing.

Love you, Jo-Jo!

Daddy (and Jim, who won't stop reading over my shoulder)

  


**Author's Note:**

>  **Vidder:** hitlikehammers  
>  **Artists:** sangueuk, greenteaduck, and emiliglia  
>  **Beta:** rroselavy
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Last we checked, Roddenberry created these characters and Paramount owns them, so we've just borrowed them for a bit of fun and will return them well-rested and with smiles on their faces.
> 
> **Team notes:** Songs, in order: "Falling Slowly" by _The Frames_ , "Sex on Fire" by _Kings of Leon_ , "Little Lion Man" by _Mumford & Sons_, and "Never Say Never" by _The Fray_
> 
> **Acknowledgments:** We would be remiss if we did not offer our gratitude to skyblue_reverie and mga1999 for their beautiful Pike/McCoy epistolary story that inspired this effort, as well as lindmere who originally suggested the format. And, lastly, a heartfelt thanks to all of the LJ comm, jim_and_bones. It has been a grand and gratifying experience and we have come out of this so much richer for the experience.


End file.
